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Catch A Falling Star

Hello, Earthling.
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The name's ~~Tricia~~ STAR.
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one of the WORST days of my life
October 12, 2009 Landed at 7:57 PM

i don't know what really happened today, all i know is that a lot of things happened and i want to forget it all. i don't know where to start but i certainly want to end it.
(i don't know hope i would express how i feel so sorry if filipino words start to pop up.)

this days started normally. well, for me it was normal.
it just had a wrong turn in the end.

i really don't get the point of people making paasa other people. i find it WRONG. W-R-O-N-G, WRONG! well, what do you really get from that? wala naman diba?
i really don't find this my fault fully. y'know, may kasalanan ka rin e! you should have never made paasa a person like me. and also, (i quote ida alli) "nakakapanglinlang lang talaga siya." sorry pero di ko talaga makita lahat nang point nang mga pangyayari.

you know how easily i get hurt and you know HOW i get hurt. you know how hard it is for me to move on and let go. you know that all. alam mo lahat e. you know me, and i know you as well. still, YOU MADE ME FALL FOR YOU.

if all of these were just games, then why, of all people, did you pick me to play this game with you? don't you see how hard it is for me?
"let's play a love game, play a love game.
do you want LOVE or you want FAME?"
-certainly, FAME is all you want.
maybe for you, all of this is just a game. but for me, its not. everything for me was so real and so true. pure and free from lies. yet now, seeing you, i see our current relationship as a relationship full of lies and secrets.

yet can't you see how hurt i am everytime something "wrong" would happen. kung hindi mo man makita, well, bulag ka. kung hindi mo man maramdaman, edi manhid ka. di pa ba enough yung mga sinasabi, pinapakita at ginagawa ko para sayo para maparamdam sayo na you are important and special to me. hindi ko pa ba napprove sayo how much i really love you?

also, i thought you were different. akala ko iba ka. that is why i was not afraid (well, a little) to fall for you. yet, you turned out to be exactly like all of them. pare-pareho lang pala kayong lahat. pare-pareho nang ugali. at pare-pareho ng pananaw sa buhay. pare-pareho lang din kayo ng gawain. kaya tama ngang pinagsama-sama kayo. at mabuti pa, isama niyo na rin yung mga hindi niyo pa kasapi.

and now, dahan dahan mo pa akong nilalayuan. yes. i could feel it. (hindi ako manhid katulad mo.) what is the problem? what is our problem? we were so happy and so fine before SHE came into the picture. ganoon na ba katindi yung panglalason niya sa utak mong inosente para layuan mo ko ng ganito? the problem is, you don't feel what i feel. you don't get to go through each day on my shoes, in my position. its so hard living this way. trying to live happily and trying to seem happy and look happy for everyone to see. yet deep inside me, my heart is slowly, silently, breaking into pieces. and you don't have a damn clue.

and to that person who just can't get enough of me. TAMA NA! PLEASE! you really were born to get everything i want. to have a step earlier than me. lahat na lang inaagaw mo sakin. can't you find your own? ganoon ba "ka-perfect" yung mga nakikita kong tao that you just snatch them off me. can't you see how much you have damaged my life already. little by little you ruin my life. and to think that you are my friend. i trust you. well, i TRUSTED you. and i just can't see why i keep on trusting you even if i know that you blab all my secrets to the world. and also, backstabbers bring no good so please, stop being one! i know, i am not the only one who hates you but certainly, i was the one brave enough to blog about you. (ang tamaan, wag magagalit.) blogging about you may not change you, you may not even get the chance to read this. but for me, this is my first step. my first step to confronting you. wait, for my second, it would be a whole lot worse. i try not to hate you but i just can't. everything that you do makes me more and more pissed by your existance.

all i want is to have an exciting and memorable year this school year. all i want is for this year to be close to perfect. to be able to spend it with the people i love the most and get to meet people before i make my "grand exit" from Assumption Antipolo. but how will i be able to do that if people around me would get in the way?